when I was a kid

my mom had 5 girls and little energy to fuss over everyone's hair. until I could take care of my hair I wasn't allowed to have long hair.

it seems we have the same situation here. until Emma will take care of her own hair she will not be allowed to have long hair. I'm just tired of fighting to get her to brush the tangles out of her hair. the snarl I cut out of her hair was just disgusting. and this isn't the greatest styling job ever, but it's short enough for her to manage all by herself.




oh well, she's happy with it.

this is the moment that I quit

really I just expect too much of my life, I guess. it really is too much to hope that anything will go well and I've just had enough of it all.
so this is the moment that I quit hoping. because it (what ever it is) will never come to pass.

I'm tired of beating my head against the brick wall called my lazy children. I, therefore, quit telling them what to do because they will never listen to me anyway.
I'm tired of hating myself because I'm fat and ugly. I know that I wont stop hating that fact, but at least I know that is never going to change so why bother.
I'm tired of hearing people, with more, complain how they don't have enough. I just quit wasting my mind hearing you, because you have nothing to bitch about. you have more than most so shut up because my youngest child needs his teeth fixed and we can't afford it. the van broke down and we can't afford to fix that - probably until next year, the car broke down and we can't afford to fix that (again) but I will scrape together what infinitesimal amount of money we have and make sure that gets done so Tim can still go to work so we don't get kicked out of our "house". my "house" needs paint and we can't even afford to do that! so tell me how your gym membership and your babysitter and your new car and your new house and your spa treatments just aren't cutting it for you, 'cuz my heart bleeds for you

I'm finished hoping that there may be a moment that I can just be Abby. I had kids, Abby does not exist anymore. I can't think. I've become stupid since I had kids. everything that used to be me is so far suppressed that it has drowned in a sea of what most people love to call motherhood. there is never a moment when someone doesn't demand me to pull their puppet strings (odd since they never listen) and tell them what fun they should do (and this is also odd since nothing I ever suggest is ever good enough of an idea *again proof that I've become stupid after children)
get this for me, do that for me, look at me right now, make me food, pick up my garbage, clean my clothes. you just do that and I'll be waiting over here. no I can't do anything to help do anything for myself... don't you know that I'm better than you? oh that's right, you don't know, because you're stupid.
they never want anything from me when I am not doing anything, just when I am talking to someone or trying to better my self (HA! that just sounds so ridiculous - I guess because it is)

I am the cook and the babysitter. not the mom, not Abby, just the cook and just the babysitter and I am just not good enough, so since everyone else can do it better, the family is hiring.

I am allergic to cats.

why do I mention this? well, it's a funny story that really isn't funny at all.

Meet Artemis.

Artemis has adopted us, I guess. He showed up in the yard last week and he just wont go home. after about 4 days of him just being there and playing with the kids and begging for the kids to come out and play in the middle of the night, it became clear that he had no intention of returning from whence he came.
under the strictest instructions not to feed him, the kids gave him treats.
he is a really friendly guy. he isn't skittish or crazy like so many stray pets can be. he's overly affectionate. and I am a sap.

looking at that poor guy the other day I accepted the fact that he is going to be around a lot and if he's going to be here he'd better have a name. I am a firm believer in naming your pets human names. generally I try to make sure it is an unusual name. so I took one good look at him. he is always trying to sneak his way into the house. he's a right criminal mastermind.
so black hair, criminal mastermind, and we irish folk here. Well that could only mean one thing.
his name is Artemis (after Artemis Fowl)
at least that is who he is when he is in our yard.

it's been so hot we set a water dish out for him and I - being the sucker that I am - gave him some scraps this morning

but being a tom cat, he'll probably get bored of us and just up and leave. that's alright, that's how he got here - got bored of someone else and here he is.

but until then I suppose I'd better get him a flea collar so he doesn't get them and give them to the kids

finally, the birthday post

I know, you can hardly believe your eyes! a real post, with real pictures. and today is going to be your lucky day.

out of love and respect for my husband I did not take pictures of him on his birthday. he is remarkably camera shy... I don't know why, he's quite handsome and much better looking than me, especially these days. so his birthday last week went without a single shot.
the very next day is Roanie Ronan's birthday. FOUR YEARS OLD! I thought about that a lot that day. I thought about how he is 4 and in those years I haven't gotten all baby hungry and so in a small way (well, maybe in a big way) I have felt sad that he is my very last baby and the very last 4 year old that I will have, ever. :(
it really is too bad, my babies are so very pretty, and smooshy, and cuddly and perfectly wonderful.
but I am too old and ruined....


back to the birthday boy.

he was so completely excited about being four. he woke up and I told him 'happy birthday' and he was just so thrilled. half way through the morning he asked "Am I still 4?"
how sweet. about noon he decided that he had to see how big he was now that he was 4. "I'm going to see how big I am." and he walked into the bathroom. I was a bit perplexed by this because seeing how big he is usually means standing against the door frame and measuring how tall. so I followed him into the bathroom. he went to stand on the scale. I told him that it said he was 38 pounds. that was not what he wanted to hear... he wanted to be 40 pounds because there is a number 4 in that number.


a few days before his birthday I asked him what he wanted to eat for his birthday supper. he said "tacos". but on the day of his birthday he had changed his mind and wanted chicken nuggets. I didn't have any and so I convinced him of the tacos again, at supper he was not too happy that it wasn't chicken nuggets. :(
oh well.... the really important thing is the cake and ice cream anyway.
speaking of, he had wanted to have a TRON cake. basically he wanted to have the disc the programs have on their backs. I don't get all fancy with cake. it's just going to get cut up and chewed and unrecognizable anyway so we settled on blue frosting.



he blew and blew and blew those candles. they weren't trick candles. he just hasn't had any practice with candle blowing.

he doesn't have much experience with cake cutting either, but it was a lot of fun letting him slice that thing into uneven pieces. next year he may do better. Everyone laughed and Emma giggled away while he cut the cake. it was really fun and funny
then time for presents. the younger kids just jump right in the way so I rarely get any good pictures of faces as gifts get opened. so Ronan had to pose and show off his presents. this Bat Man motorcycle is from Grandma and Grandpa. he says it's the best toy ever. and it is pretty awesome. He loves all those classic comic book heroes.

and because he has so many Iron Man action figures and he has a bunch of Transformers and he has a Bat Man or two, add that to his costumes of spiderman, wolverine, optimus prime, ironman, and Connor has a Hulk costume that he can goof around with, we thought he should have a new hero. we were going to get him a TRON toy, but they apparently don't sell them in our neck of the woods. (lame!) so the Green Lantern it is. :)

Happy Birthday baby baby

please be patient

birthday pictures are coming... just probably not until this weekend. I am working on an order and I really want to get it finished by tomorrow.
after that I will have time to mess around with pictures and typing all about Ronan's Birthday and a bit about Tim's as well. :)

if you pray, pray for Jonathan

I really should have posted this much earlier, but I'm doing it now...

last week my dear friend's son, Jonathan, had a very serious bike accident. he was just being a kid and he didn't make the jump he was trying and he fell, badly. his nose was broken and pushed into his skull, his brow had to be reconstructed and he also has fractures on the back of his skull. he was flown to Rochester and kept in a coma for the first few days. the surgeons removed two pieces of his skull to allow his brain to swell. we all wait with bated breath for any news.
we have all prayed and spread the word and all of our friends and family have prayed and we continue to do so.

he is improving. he comes in and out of being awake and sleeping. they removed his ventilator and my friend got to hear him whisper "I love you, mom" last night. the sweetest music to all our ears.

but they still have a long road ahead of them. he is now fighting off a staff infection on top of it all. if you would, please add your prayers to ours. he needs them. he's a good young man, he's good to everyone. and it would be a wonderful miracle if he would get to heal completely and be the same old jonathan when this is all done.