many many feelings

Two days ago my biggest little girl got married. 
Married.
Wow!  Married!
I've had so many feelings about that.  So many that they all mush up together.  I just can't unravel them at all.  
Her husband is a truly nice young man and I know that I've said and felt some things in the past that I regret having not just kept to myself until that feeling passed. :(  
But we go forward and find our own reasons to love him too. 

What a whirlwind day for everyone!
and my feet still hurt from the poor choice of shoe I wore, but they were cute shoes.

She was stunning and my husband was very attractive in his new suit.

sometime I'll get a picture or two of everyone (post photoshopping myself out of it.  I ruin everything)

and there were many feelings being had by all.  it has poured over us for the last few days.  I've been distracted by thoughts of her marriage and all the changes in life that will come from that, not only for her but for my husband and myself, and for our children too.
So many possibilities

proud of my Roanie

yes, he's 8 years old and many may think it's ridiculous that he is only now accomplishing this, but, well, they don't know my Ronan.
yesterday, we bought some new shoes for the boys before school starts in a few weeks.  Ronan has been resistant about learning to tie his shoes.  for some reason he has had it set in his mind that tying shoes is near impossible.  it has been a struggle at times and we have learned to pick and choose certain battles and a fight over shoelaces just isn't worth it.
this time Tim and I made Ronan choose a pair with laces.  NO velcro.  he tried on shoes and a pair was chosen.  he still had them on when we were ready to leave so we told him to put them back in the box so we could buy them. he sat down on the floor and started taking the shoes off and I could tell he was stressing out about the fact that they weren't velcro.  I saw that he was trying so hard not to cry about it, but there were tears in his eyes.  I got down next to him and reassured him that it would be okay.  we'd practice as much as we needed until he got the hang of it.  he was still sad and worried.
Connor had tried to help him figure out tying laces at the store and after we got home he tried to help a little more.  Soon I heard Connor say to ask Mom to show how to tie the bunny ears way.  I never tie shoes that way so it really doesn't make sense to me, but I can do it after a couple of tries...
I showed him how one time.  he said in a surprised voice "that looks easy!"
then he tried. and he tried again.  not to perfection but very well done for a new attempt.
this morning he put on his shoes and tied them.  he took them off and a while later put them on again.  Tim asked him if he was going outside.  No, I like tying my shoes, he says.  He's so danged proud of himself!  I'm so happy for him.  I'm proud of him.
now the world is his  :)

BIG change of plans

so, to recap -- the last post I wrote was about my plans to get not quite so ugly and unlovable.
BUT things happened and I decided to get a job instead.
it is difficult leaving my kids home.  I'd much rather be there for them all the time.  but we need money and we need to get on top of things if we ever hope to move into a real and sturdy house.

what have I been doing?  most people I know already know.  at least those that I am closest to.
I started working for a woman I know.  she has a company that makes handmade baby wraps for baby wearers.
I have been learning a lot and I really enjoy it (most days when the warp is cooperative)
I weave.  on a loom.  yep a loom.  we work on the most wonderful pieces making the most beautiful fabric.

I have taken a few pictures here and there with my phone and my ipod.  they are not the best quality but that's okay.

 I worked on this a couple of days ago.
there's a better picture of it below

 these other pictures are of finished pieces (I did not photograph these but wanted to show what I've been working on)

 I wove this twill.  I've done this twill before (see purple to red piece above) but I made a mistake on this one - I've just found out - and I am so horribly embarrassed. not only that but I'm mad at myself.   I can do better than this.  I have done better than this and it's going to bother me forever.

 another twill I worked on.  I did better this time. 

https://www.facebook.com/fairyrivertextiles

wow! just awful

6 months since my last post

I really haven't had anything that I've wanted to talk about.  lots of thing happened, but I guess I just wasn't in the mood to talk all about it.  you know, everyone has an opinion and everyone thinks they are more knowledgeable about everything that happens to everyone else, I guess I didn't feel like opening that window.

last year both Tim and I were sick.  by sick I mean more like his body was doing less than it should and my body was less than it should and we were both in the hospital for different things.  I actually had to stay for a day and a half in July.
I mentioned Tim's stomach problems.  He's better now, but it's still a mystery as to why it all happened at all.
I had kidney stones that were causing trouble.  they were painful, yeah.  but they were also bigger than would be able to pass on their own.  so I had one removed and was scheduled to have two more removed in August but then I postponed that procedure until after we knew more about Tim's stomach.  all was fine until October when I again was in the ER.  so at my followup appointment 2 days later we scheduled all my pre-op tests and physical and had the other two stones removed a few weeks later.
after that another test and we are waiting on the results to see if I am going to be needing medication to keep them from forming or if I can keep them controlled by making sure I never let myself become dehydrated.

but all that going on in my life last year I didn't get anything more done about getting fit.  it all became very difficult to fit that in with doctor appointments and managing family.
I'm sure you're thinking, "just take your kids with you".  have you ever tried taking a walk with at least 1 - 4 kids.  the level of stress you experience is far greater than any physical benefit you might get.  but you don't get any physical benefits from walking with you kids (or my kids) and here's why.  they stop and complain every three minutes.  if they are not complaining of their legs or feet or back hurting (these are skinny kids, mind you.  look through the blog there are pictures) they are "so thirsty" and constantly stopping the convoy to have a water break.
because of this utter failure to get pretty because my kids constantly hinder my weight loss goals, I will be joining my area rec center which has a gym and a walk track (also a pool that I will never be caught dead in a swim suit so I will never use it).  I figure if I spend that kind of money maybe people will be able to deal with me not being around here for an hour a few nights a week. also I won't be taking any of them with me so I will be able to go at my pace instead of a snail's pace.
maybe this year I might get that habit established enough and build my stamina enough that maybe next year I just might do the Susan G. Komen 3 day walk.